Let me just start off by saying I am not a expert on anxiety or mental health. I’m only giving my experience on the matter.
Believe me when i say….
I barely overcame this one. Or at least that’s how it felt. Anxiety is one of those things where you’re not sure if you ever overcome it. I’m saying today that I have overcome it, but who’s to say it won’t come back? If you’ve never suffered from anxiety then I’d imagine you don’t know what I mean but if you have..you know the feeling all too well.
I had anxiety for a week or so. Paralyzing my life. It followed me around everywhere. The harder I tried to fight it, the harder it stuck around. The cycle wouldn’t stop. Around and around I went with me and my anxiety. My anxiety came as the thought of “I’m going to die” or “if I think about dying long enough I will” So I started trying to control my life…literally. Like I was in charge of my life. Like somehow if I tried hard enough I could hang on to my own life. All day long I would feel like I’m going to die and at the same time fighting myself not to die. Looking back at it, makes no sense to a sane person, but perfect sense to the person who has lost their sanity. This went on for a week. At work, at home, everything I did I was holding on to my own life at every second. Reality was long gone. I couldn’t stop. Sleep was the only break I got from it, when it did let me sleep. And of course It was there waiting for me as soon as I woke up and the cycle started all over again.
UNTIL….you’ve have enough. Until your mind says..LET IT GO!
UNTIL..you become exhausted from fear and decide to let whatever is going to happen…happen. AND THEN NOTHING HAPPENS!
besides all of the symptoms that come with anxiety of course. Everyone’s symptoms are different of course, but mine consisted of…
- heart beating out of my chest
- tightness of chest
- manually breathing for myself(no longer came natural)
- brain fog(felt outside of myself)
- brain going haywire(questions in my head that made absolutely no sense)
I knew that I could no longer keep this to myself. I was scared for my life and I knew I had to talk to somebody about it. You do not have to go through this alone, and you shouldn’t! When you have anxiety, your mind definitely starts playing tricks on you, and it helps to talk to someone who is thinking logically to tell you…that’s not logical!
So what caused my anxiety?..
That one little word with a big meaning. It starts off small and turns to big things. I can’t say exactly when I started trying to control everything. I assume it started one day by cleaning the house. lol. You know the feeling of a clean house… I cleaned the house, did the dishes, made the beds and when my job was complete, the mission was fulfilled. CONTROL. It must of been a satisfying result that I liked. A feeling of my work here is done. All of that was good except for the fact that I have a family who like to come and LIVE in the house. My family, the people I love had no space for my little bubble of control. My house was perfect. Can’t you guys see how hard I’ve worked?
Looking back on my anxiety, this has been going on for years. Years of trying to keep everything in my control. Years of trying to make everything perfect. And I realized for the first time, I had zero control on this thing called life. Of course I never did, but I had the illusion that I did.
It’s funny, if you know me than me and my control issue probably isn’t such big news. Regardless it’s something that I had to realize for myself.
I think that my anxiety was always there, I just didn’t know it. Until something spins out of control in my mind, where I felt like I could no longer handle the situation…and that’s when it showed up!
How did I overcome anxiety?…
I like to mention that I am med free. I never went to a doctor. That was just my experience, not that either of those aren’t options, they definitely should be.
The BIGGEST thing that helped me was talking about it. Which by the way was the scariest thing because I didn’t want people to think I was crazy! Talking to someone that you can trust and know they will listen to you and take you seriously is important.
Also my faith. I’m a big believer in Christ and at the end of the day, my life is in His hands. That brings me peace knowing I have a Creator who has ALL control.
Identifying the root cause of my anxiety. I had to look within myself and ask myself, “What are you afraid of?” “What is causing the anxiety?” If you’re not sure of why your having anxiety then it’s hard to really get to the root of why you’re having it in the first place because THERE IS A REASON, and it needs to be addressed.
Making sure to have time with myself. I looked up several breathing exercises online as well to help me calm down..
Lastly, anxiety is a progress thing..meaning sometimes its a day by day challenge. It’s changing your negative thoughts, it’s being kind to yourself and being patient with yourself. Sometimes it comes every other day or once a week, and then one day..you look back and you realize you haven’t had anxiety in awhile. You can and you will get through this. More importantly you are not alone. I am and will continue to have VICTORY over anxiety and you can too…one day at a time.